Listen, I’m going to brag here a little–ready?
The baby is taking two two hour naps, and sleeping so wonderfully through the night.
Everett goes to bed at 6, and wakes up anytime between 2 and 5 in the morning to eat. I go back to bed after that, and he doesn’t wake up for the day until 7 or even 8! Then a nap around 10, lasting two hours and two hours later, another one usually from 2 to 4. At that time we play, Chris and I eat dinner, Everett gets a bath and 6 o’clock rolls around and it’s time for bed.
I know he will change this “schedule”, but right now I am loving it.
I cannot even begin to tell you the relief I feel. I’m so proud of Everett, and so proud of myself for finally finding a method, sticking to it and listening to my gut. After this victory, having more babies does not scare me, and I’ve got my confidence back in growing our family.
Because that’s a big responsibly. Having to quite literally grow your children inside of yourself, birth them, and then give all the love you humanly can to a little creature two bodies somehow created. And still have love to give your husband or spouse or partner, and then still have love for yourself. And your dog. Or cat or what have you.
Being good at loving so good is very simple, yet sometimes very hard. Am I always capable of loving and receiving so much of it?
On a different note, I am teaching yoga again and it feels wonderful to have a piece of the “prior mom” me back. I just wanted one class, and it’s the 6am I used to teach on Wednesday mornings.
When I teach, I forget about being a mother for those short, sweet sixty minutes in the studio. My job is not Everett, not even my husband, but those students who make the commitment every week to wake so early and roll out their mat for practice.
I come into a different form in front of everyone, I swear. A form that is a better version of my chaotic, everyday self. And I speak truths and words of encouragement all while guiding them through physical postures. I teach how to breathe.
Honestly, when I started yoga at the age of seventeen, right after we lost you, I found a new compartment to myself that I never knew existed. One of calm, peace and belief that there truly is a power out there bigger than myself. That whatever force grows the grass and shines the sun and moves the stars is helping me out, too. And on a good day, I believe that you are a part of all that.
Deciding to take a class back was a big decision. I thought and thought about it (like I always do when it comes to making a choice) and am so very glad I am back to doing something I love, that’s outside of my family. Even if it’s only for two hours, once a week.
“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.” –Deepak Chopra
Isn’t that a wonderful quote? I read it at the end of class early this morning and it just cannot be more true. I need to remind myself every day to ride the flow, ignore the right or wrong tug-of-war thoughts, and simply feel it all out.
When I stopped obsessing over what was right or wrong when it came to Everett’s sleep and just tried different things–like making the nursery dark and not rocking him so much– and believed that there was a solution, it all came together.
I actually wrote on a random page in my journal, I will get Everett to sleep 9-11 and 2-4 for naps. I wanted to make my desire real and concrete.
And well, it worked.
Let’s see what I’m saying in another month from now because I’ve learned these little babies change just when you think you’ve got them all figured out.