6.30.16

Everett is napping, on his second hour of sleep. If someone reading this has a three month old who regularly does this, I’m so very jealous. I usually only get forty precious minutes.

I have to say at this point in parenting, the self doubt is real. I’m always worried that I’m not doing things right–that his lack of napping is somehow my fault, or that I am failing the cry it out method. Letting him scream is something I just cannot do. I have tried it a handful of times and literally can’t stand it. But if I tell someone that, they will tell me I “need to do it.” Perhaps they’re right. I just don’t like not listening to myself.

I’ll get on the internet and read what another mom is doing–how she schedules and her tips/advice. Then I just get down on myself, creating a storm of “I am doing this all wrong” in my head.

And then I think of you. You raised four kids, starting with me when you were twenty-one. You did not have Google to ask questions, and you probably didn’t know about sleep training. I bet there was debate between moms with their opinions, but I guarantee you in the eight years you’ve been gone, the battles have heated.

I mean there are pulls of opinions on everything–when solid food should start, how and where the baby should sleep, how long to breastfeed, ways to get them to sleep, how to be swaddled and even what kind of diaper is superior for catching their shit.

Honestly, it’s overwhelming. And I think the best tool that I have for Everett and my sanity is my own gut. My mama instinct. I swear it is real but it a completely new sense, one that I’ve suddenly gained and am still a bit unsure of how to use it.

When it is time for Allison and Tatum to have their babies, I will tell my sisters to simply listen to themselves. I’ll tell them to not make it harder than it has to be. I’ll remind them every time they need reminded, that their baby picked its mom, and they have all the knowledge to raise him/her.

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